to move or not to move?

6 months ago, we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with a promise from the landlord we could move to a 3 bedroom when one was available.  yesterday afternoon i noticed one of the 3 bedroom units is empty.  i have a call into the landlord to see if i can look at it but while waiting for her to call back today i started thinking, do i really want to move again? 
i hate moving.  it takes me forever to adjust to a new place.  i hate the packing and unpacking.  i feel like i am just getting into a groove in this apartment.  plus the rent is about $150 more.  but oh for the kids to have their own room would be great.  but on the other hand, M is so little still that she only wants to be where ever J is so they would still be playing in each others rooms all the time anyway.  i asked R to sort of brain storm on the things we like about where we are.  our deck is nice and private'ish.  the view is nice with a good space for the kids to run around in. the downside is the kids room is very cramped with a queen bed and a crib plus a bazillon toys and 2 dressers.  thank dog they have a walk in closet to share.  plus the crawl space for the building is in our unit.  i hate that.  they have to come in pretty often to be down there since that is where the cable and internet for the building is hooked up. 

so there are the pro's and con's.  without seeing a 3 bedroom, i cannot say 100% but i can say 99% we are going to stay put.  i want to live here until i graduate.  the rent cannot be beat in this area.  we havelooked.  it's just a smart thing to stay until i have a job too at least.  i think i will put J's bed on craiglist and try to sell M's crib and buy the kids some bunkbeds to clear up some space for them.  make the best of what we have and be grateful we have a place to call home.

hello again blogging world

it has been a very long time since i have blogged.  so long in fact that i forgot i even had a blog.  i was reminded when i tried to start a new one.  so here i am again.  still over weight (morbidly - isn't that a terrible word?) and still trying to find the right mix of medication to help level me out.  we have moved to a smaller place to save money and to be closer to R's work.  we are now a one car family so R has went to the night shift at work so the kids and i can have the car during the day.  it has been a year of adjustment for all of us.  so many ups and downs.  at the end of the day, we still have each other and that is what matters. 

over 2 years ago, i quit smoking.  it was horrible!!!  with the help of great friends i was able to get through.  i made it to 1 year, 10 1/2 months.  with all the stress of everything - i caved.  and then of course once i came clean to R, it wasn't long before he started again too.  i haven't been smoking even half what i used to but still, smoking is freaking expensive.  being as broke as we are, i have decided to quit.  again.  November 1st is the day.  i had buy M's costume at the dollar store and i had to buy J's with his allowance money with a promise to pay him back.  it isn't worth it.  yes it helps my stress greatly but i will have to find a different way to deal with stress.  it causes me more stress to have to tell my kids no all the time because we can't afford things.  i am not fooling myself into thinking my quitting smoking (savings of about $80-$100/month) will fix all our problems money wise BUT i have to do something.  i don't have a job, i bring in no money to the house.  i figure the least i can do is keep what i spend on me to a minimum.  so i'm quitting again.  Lord save us all.

our local recreation center has some pretty awesome deals on memberships.  i found out for less than $50/month R and i can have a membership with unlimited access to the gym, indoor walking track and fitness classes (water aerobics in the summer, zumba, kickboxing etc.).  we will be signing up for that on Nov. 4th. (payday) so see?  i will have to quit.  i will use my smoking money on the gym.  what better way to spend that money?  the next payday, i am taking my smoking money and putting it towards chirstmas for the kids. 

so as i get set to start the next journey, i am sure this blog will see some action =)

frusteration

i am making zero progress and this is really bumming me out.  i am not getting good sleep or even decent sleep because M is still up 3 or 4 times most nights.  i swear as soon as we can afford a new baby moniter, she is going to her own room.  i am hoping that will help.  meanwhile, i don't have the energy to workout most days.  and on the days i've tried to, she takes a 10 minute nap all day.  as soon as i get started, she wakes up.  i think i will start working out after i get J home from school so he can help keep her entertained while i get at least 20 minutes in. 

i'm trying so hard not to worry or stress about so much right now.  worry and stress will not fix the multitude of problems and issues i am dealing with right now.  i just have to figure out some way to work the issues out.  i think al the stress is keeping me from losing any weight.

this post is quite random.  i'm trying to keep a train of thought while having to stop every 10 seconds to grab M from whatever she is getting into.  ahh, the joys of a mobile baby :P

curve balls

it's been quite some time since i have blogged.  there is good reason.  on jan. 3rd, my brother was in a terrible accident.  it is a miracle that he is still with us.  it has been a very long 11 days since the accident in and out of the hosptital with him, doctor appointments and surgery on his very broken leg this week.  he is on his way to getting better.  i just thank God every day that we still have my brother with us.  he doesn't remember the wreck and after seeing the pictures, that is a great thing.  i hope he never remembers :(

on top of this, i've run out of my asthma medicine.  without it, my breathing can get out of control pretty easily when i work out.  i've decided to use the exersize bike daily for 20-30 minutes until i can work up some stamina to work out to DVD's.   but not today.  i'm sicker then a dog.  seems a cold is making it's way through our house.  i imagine it's from being at the hospital so much lately.  The kids have both had it all week, even the hubby who never ever gets sick (ok maybe once every 2 years) has it.  i wanted to think i was going to escape getting sick but no such luck.  i woke up to the dog barking and scratching at the back door at 3am and when i went to tell her to zip it, i had no voice.  i do have some of a voice now but i have to be at work by 10am so i don't see working out in my schedule today.  but tomorrow - i begin.  even sick i should be able to ride a bike for 20 mins.

i do have to say i'm having a hard time not being discouraged.  i am not seeing any change on the scale at all.  i've been eating better and less amounts but still no change.  could the stress be making me hold on to the weight?  i've also noticed in the last 5 months or so, my weight has shifted and now i'm carrying more all up front in my belly.  i'm really hoping that by adding the bike workout daily, i will start to see some change. 

and now to drag my butt around to get J ready for school. 

happy friday everyone

reason 364

reason 364 to get healthy and fit:

being able to sit in chairs with arms without my saddlebags bulging through the sides.

out of shape - unless you count round of course

ugh.  what a disapointing morning this has been.  when i put baby girl back to bed this morning at 5, i stayed up, saw the hubby off to work, had a cup of coffee and decided to workout.  2nd day doing the shred.  holy. hell.  now let me also say that i've been out of my asthma/allergy medicine for a few days now so even with my inhaler, i was dying trying to do half the work out much less keep up.  so i think it may be wise to start back with walk away the pounds for a few weeks to get my lungs (and body) built up enough to handle miss killian, i mean jillian :P

on another note, i really think my bi polar meds are working well.  i was a crab ass and a half yesterday for a couple hours but aunt flo is here so that is to be expected i think.  i'm either on an up swing or my pills are working.  either way, i'm making the most of every second that i feel good.

365 reasons

taking a page from Julie Bo, i'm going to start each morning with a reason to get healthy and lose weight.  reading Julie's reasons has always motivated me so i imagine my own will motivate me even more. 

so Jan. 1st

reason 365

being able to breathe better while sleeping