frusteration

i am making zero progress and this is really bumming me out.  i am not getting good sleep or even decent sleep because M is still up 3 or 4 times most nights.  i swear as soon as we can afford a new baby moniter, she is going to her own room.  i am hoping that will help.  meanwhile, i don't have the energy to workout most days.  and on the days i've tried to, she takes a 10 minute nap all day.  as soon as i get started, she wakes up.  i think i will start working out after i get J home from school so he can help keep her entertained while i get at least 20 minutes in. 

i'm trying so hard not to worry or stress about so much right now.  worry and stress will not fix the multitude of problems and issues i am dealing with right now.  i just have to figure out some way to work the issues out.  i think al the stress is keeping me from losing any weight.

this post is quite random.  i'm trying to keep a train of thought while having to stop every 10 seconds to grab M from whatever she is getting into.  ahh, the joys of a mobile baby :P

curve balls

it's been quite some time since i have blogged.  there is good reason.  on jan. 3rd, my brother was in a terrible accident.  it is a miracle that he is still with us.  it has been a very long 11 days since the accident in and out of the hosptital with him, doctor appointments and surgery on his very broken leg this week.  he is on his way to getting better.  i just thank God every day that we still have my brother with us.  he doesn't remember the wreck and after seeing the pictures, that is a great thing.  i hope he never remembers :(

on top of this, i've run out of my asthma medicine.  without it, my breathing can get out of control pretty easily when i work out.  i've decided to use the exersize bike daily for 20-30 minutes until i can work up some stamina to work out to DVD's.   but not today.  i'm sicker then a dog.  seems a cold is making it's way through our house.  i imagine it's from being at the hospital so much lately.  The kids have both had it all week, even the hubby who never ever gets sick (ok maybe once every 2 years) has it.  i wanted to think i was going to escape getting sick but no such luck.  i woke up to the dog barking and scratching at the back door at 3am and when i went to tell her to zip it, i had no voice.  i do have some of a voice now but i have to be at work by 10am so i don't see working out in my schedule today.  but tomorrow - i begin.  even sick i should be able to ride a bike for 20 mins.

i do have to say i'm having a hard time not being discouraged.  i am not seeing any change on the scale at all.  i've been eating better and less amounts but still no change.  could the stress be making me hold on to the weight?  i've also noticed in the last 5 months or so, my weight has shifted and now i'm carrying more all up front in my belly.  i'm really hoping that by adding the bike workout daily, i will start to see some change. 

and now to drag my butt around to get J ready for school. 

happy friday everyone

reason 364

reason 364 to get healthy and fit:

being able to sit in chairs with arms without my saddlebags bulging through the sides.

out of shape - unless you count round of course

ugh.  what a disapointing morning this has been.  when i put baby girl back to bed this morning at 5, i stayed up, saw the hubby off to work, had a cup of coffee and decided to workout.  2nd day doing the shred.  holy. hell.  now let me also say that i've been out of my asthma/allergy medicine for a few days now so even with my inhaler, i was dying trying to do half the work out much less keep up.  so i think it may be wise to start back with walk away the pounds for a few weeks to get my lungs (and body) built up enough to handle miss killian, i mean jillian :P

on another note, i really think my bi polar meds are working well.  i was a crab ass and a half yesterday for a couple hours but aunt flo is here so that is to be expected i think.  i'm either on an up swing or my pills are working.  either way, i'm making the most of every second that i feel good.

365 reasons

taking a page from Julie Bo, i'm going to start each morning with a reason to get healthy and lose weight.  reading Julie's reasons has always motivated me so i imagine my own will motivate me even more. 

so Jan. 1st

reason 365

being able to breathe better while sleeping

New Year = New You?

January 1st again.  Is it just me or are the years going much faster?  So much changed in 2010.  I'm curious to see what 2011 has to bring us.  I was thinking last night about resolutions.  Mine are always the same standard ones - quit smoking, lose weight , be more organized blah blah blah.  well i have quit smoking (yay me over 18 months now!!) so this year my New Years Resolution is: (drum roll please) to be a better me.  all around better me.  a better friend, a better wife, better mother, sister, aunt, daughter.  a better home maker.  a better Kimberly.  i'm sure to have off days but the important thing will be to keep trying.